hola. it's been a month! oh my. i'm trying to fix everything that's been displaced! too much has happened in a month. it's hard not to feel imperfect, it's hard not to feel inferior, it's hard not to doubt myself and wonder what exactly is wrong. escalating fears! rahrahrah. bad days, bad days. more to come. but every day, no matter how bad, will have something worth being happy about, in more ways than one. today i was feeling pretty frustrated about my lost ezlink card, lost pencil tin, eating so much more than i should but not exercising, parents etc. so i hid in my room all night. and then out of the blue i decided to dig out the little cards and messages i got for christmas from the churchies. and i'm surprised, even ashamed, at how i used to prefer presents to cards and stuff because they were more tangible in a way, if you get what i mean. now i look at those lines and lines written to me, and each word brings with it a fuzzy feeling that seems to eat up all the angst and fears and unhappiness. i was really touched at how every message seemed to be of welcoming me to the big church family and stuff. i guess all this while i've been too materialistic and overlooked how valuable such handwritten lines and words can be. okay i'm no longer making sense. but my point is, every single day will be dotted with little blessings, it's up to us to discover. today on my way home i was frowning, but yet confident that something good will definitely happen because i really believe that god will bless each and everyone of us in some way or another every single day. and today it was a precious lesson learnt: cherishing and looking beyond materialistic things.